There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
