cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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