Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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