I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
