don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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