my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
