When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize