The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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