either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
