y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
