I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize