you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
