Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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