i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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