so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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