let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
