yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
