we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize