Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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