I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
