he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
