he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
