after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
