worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
