i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize