just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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