i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
