Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
