The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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