so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize