Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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