in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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