I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
