I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
