my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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