Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
