We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
