Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
