4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
