I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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