My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
