You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
