I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
