the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
