garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
