ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
