i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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