you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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