I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
