Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
