she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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