Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
being pregnant is like rehab
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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