you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i out mim tonsoeep
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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