this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
