If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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