I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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