you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
