Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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