i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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