i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
