He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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