I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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