i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize