so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
