she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
