Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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