just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
