And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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