What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
