do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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