You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
