I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
