hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize