now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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