You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize