If i come over, it means nothing
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
