everyone is single if you try hard enough
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I understand Curling. That high.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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