im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
