similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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