70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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