***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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