im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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