he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
