never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
