don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
