I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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