If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
