I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
