and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
