we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize