So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
