i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
