There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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