My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize