Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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