Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
