Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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