for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize