OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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