I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
