I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
